Trusting God in the storm

It's not easy living for God and when trials come, the people who you thought would be there always, somehow are no longer around. This teaches us not to rely on people to get through tough times but rather to learn and trust the Lord at all times.
 
  
I found myself at a very low place in my life wondering if I could go on in life. I am the type who gets tired of starting over and having to trust all over again. Wondering if it's even worth it. When I look over my life and begin to count the things that matter to me and the one person who depends on me which is my son, I know that I have to get through...... especially this time.

God gives us warning signs and red flags before we make decisions that would cost us for life. Before I got married back in December 2013, I knew that the decision I was about to make would alter my life and it may not be for the best. I prayed for a sign and which indicates that I wasn't completely confident in the decision I was making to marry at that time. I was looking at the fact that no one has come to me and said anything about me not marrying this guy. My family was mute and I didn't really have anyone who was willing to walk me down the isle. Of course this should have been enough for me to really consider what I was about to do. But just before walking down the aisle, I felt I was too late to turn back. Why was I so ready to marry? I wanted to love and to experience it in return. I had been single for so long and never knew what it felt like for a man to truly be involved in my life. I felt like I was ready for the challenges that came in marriage. But I wasn't prepared for the unexpected.

Only a few short months after I had gotten married, my husband and I didn't see eye to eye. He begin to say things to me that would hurt and attack me with words that I couldn't handle. I would just pray and try my best to push those things aside so that I could properly function at work. I felt like my husband was inadequate and that I was better than him. I said things that provoked him and as a response he said things that made me feel low. I expected him to be the husband I wanted him to be and he wanted me to be the wife he wanted me to be. Not really allowing one another to be who we are and learn to grow together. We both had character flaws. Clearly we needed to sit down and talk to one another and get through our differences. Maybe even go to counseling. We didn't agree to do these things. So things had gotten worse.

After our separation, we continued to try and work things out. I wanted my marriage to work. I loved my husband. We found out the 2nd month of our marriage that we were expecting our first child. Even after finding out this, things did not get better and we grew apart and eventually I moved out of the place my husband and I shared together. The enemy did everything he could to ruin the marriage and to attack my unborn child. I felt so defeated and was too ashamed to reach out and get help from my church. I actually didn't know who to reach out to. No one really supported our marriage anyway. I felt hopeless.

I thought I could trust God to mend the brokenness in my relationship with my husband and to restore the love and respect we once had for one another. I prayed for a miracle. I did all that I knew to do and my marriage was still on the rocks. I had no one to turn to for real advice. I was looking for God to truly speak into my spirit to tell me what to do. I didn't want a divorce and I didn't want to stay married to someone I didn't believe loved me....

Just trying to figure out why and when will things change. I would find myself in a place wondering what step to take, what decision to make. There's been so much wrong done that I don't know if things will ever get better and if the stains would ever be removed.

Trusting God in a situation like this is very challenging. My only focus right now is my son and the Lord. My husband is not at a place where I can talk to him without him getting angry. I pray for him and devote my attention to the Lord. I know that if I keep the right things first, God will take care of the rest and it will all fall into place. He is a master at organizing our life and putting everything in the order it should be. Everything is not all together in my life, it may never be. But knowing God is involved and working it out, by faith, it's going to be alright.

I'm at peace knowing that being a rock bottom, I have no other place to go but up. My Father is in control and will fight for me and my marriage. The enemy will not be victorious any longer. I am no longer defeated. I am an overcomer. Learning to speak forth the victories of God over my life helps me to see that my situation is getting better. I use to speak defeat over my life because that's what I saw, that's what I believed. Now, I trust God. This storm will soon pass and I will be so much better when it's over.

My prayer: Father there is someone right now that is going through a difficult time or just need encouragement, my hope is that my testimony helps them to understand that You desire for them to be victorious and undefeated. I pray they pour their heart out to You and ask that You give the strength they need to get through. In Jesus name, amen.
 
I'm gonna be ready - Yolanda Adams
 

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